Forget to Remember
by fourwalls
Summary: Lisa and Ryuuken meets before the winter war. They have a conversation about their past and shares a secret that could mean the world to some of their acquaintances. Rated M for language.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its character. Although I would want to!**

Lisa put down the magazine she was reading. It has been days, weeks, that she felt something troubling her. She suddenly felt the urge to go somewhere, to patch up some unfinished business. To have reconciliation before the time of judgement comes. But what?

She sat up from her reclined position and looked out of the warehouse window where she and her fellow vaizards have been hiding all this decades. She didn't particularly want to do this but she felt that it is her obligation to do so. To be particularly honest, it is really her obligation, no matter how hard she tries to deny it.

"Damn, I hate this." Lisa whispered under her breath as she stood up.

"Hm? Did you say something?" Kensei looked up from the magazine he was reading.

"Nothing. I was just thinking." Lisa rubbed her temples.

"Of?"

Lisa kept quiet for a while ignoring Kensei's question. She walked toward the window and looked out at the city, keeping her eye particularly in the large building which was the Karakura Medical Centre. She stared at it for a few seconds, her mind considering whether or not to go then she sighed.

"Fuck it." She said irritably. "Kensei, I'm heading out. Tell them I may not return immediately, so don't wait up for me."

"Alright. I will." Kensei answered in a bored manner without peeling his eyes away from the magazines.

"Take care of those mags for me."

"Will do."

As Lisa was heading out of the door, she met Hiyori.

"Going somewhere?" Hiyori asked crossing her arms playfully as she blocked her way.

"Yeah. Out." Lisa answered and walked past her.

Hiyori was left there confused then she looked at Kensei.

"What is_ her_ problem." She asked him when Lisa left.

"She gonna take care of some personal business." He answered without sparing her a look. Then, he gestured for Hiyori to get some magazines. "Want to take a look at this? They got some weird poses here."

Hiyori raised her brows and broke in a toothy grin. "Sure."

XXXX

Lisa walked idly at the streets of Karakura town. She walked aimlessly, going to where her feet was taking her, ignoring every face that comes her way, as if she was looking at faceless creatures, animals that all look the same when she looks at them. Besides, they were only human.

Lisa halted from her steps from the thought. She almost laughed at herself. Who was she to think this way about humans? _He_ was human, and yet on that particular day, she allowed to submit herself to him, heart and body. On that day.

But no, he wasn't just a mere human. He was something different, something more. Something that was able to gain her respect, but then, whose respect was also easily taken away. And it was not entirely his fault. She is also to blame, in fact, she could admit that she was mostly to blame.

She suddenly felt guilt for the way this man's life turned out to be as she remembered the past they shared. No, not only his life, but also the life of another who yet remains in the shadows, unaware of everything that happened before, between his father and her.

It was only when she stepped into an abandoned building that she snapped out of her musings. Her eyes widened as she took in the familiar surroundings. She was vaguely aware of how she got there. She hesitated for a moment at the doorway, but then willed herself to get in.

_How long has it been, _she thought. _15-16 years?_

Lisa sauntered deeper into the dark corners of the structure. Outside, the sun was already setting, its red orange rays seeping through the small spaces of the windows that were now blocked by pieces of ply wood. The dust had settled in the surfaces of the floors and the old counters. The elevators have long been non-functional.

Lisa made her way to the back of the building and found the door that leads to the staircase. It was even darker here, but she doesn't mind. She remembers this place particularly well and there was that weak hint of reiatsu that she felt the moment she opened the door. It is enough to guide her through the dark stairs.

She opened the door to the roof and found a man gazing at the distance, with a cigarette in hand, his eyes distant and unreadable behind those glasses. Very much like her own.

"My my, look who I found." Lisa said walking towards the silver haired man.

The man turned around, as if expecting her arrival. "I never thought we'd meet again, Yadomarou Lisa."

"The feeling is mutual, Ishida Ryuuken. What are you doing here? Did you come here because you wanted to meet me?" Lisa was now standing next to this man, and is now also staring out into the city.

Ryuuken brought the cigarette in his mouth and inhaled. He returned his attention to where he was looking before. "I should ask the same to you. Do you come here often?"

"No." Lisa answered dully. "I actually never came here. This is the first time I came here since. And you?"

"Same."

A moment of silence passed between them as they thought over the events that happened between them many years ago. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it wasn't amiable either.

"What if I say I was feeling a little nostalgic in this particular day? That that is the reason why I am here." Ryuuken broke the silence.

"You never struck me as the type to reminisce."

"I could say the same for you. Now I return the question to you. Why are you here?"

"Probably for the same reason why you are here."

"I see. You haven't changed at all. You still avoid answering such questions."

Lisa ignored the statement. "I already told you once before. Although right now, I'm here to warn you. Things are about to get really serious soon."

"I know. I am aware."

Lisa glanced dryly at the man next to him.

Ryuuken took a puff from his cigarette and ignored the lingering gaze that was being cast upon him.

"Whose side are you on?"

Ryuuken did not answer immediately. He dropped the cigarette on the floor and stepped on it. He looked at Lisa and icily answered, "Mine."

With that answer, he turned around and started to head toward the door.

"How eager you were back then." Lisa stated without looking at him.

This made Ryuuken stop in his tracks.

"Don't mistake me for being the same child you met before."

"The child you were referring to was actually more of a man than this person I am looking at now." She eyed him with disdain. "At least that _child _fought for what he thought was right."

"I was foolish then."

"And you think you are not being foolish now?"

"It is the first time we met for all these years and yet you act as if I am in your debt, as if you know everything." Ryuuken set his eyes on her, unemotional, and yet it is as if daggers where pointed at her. "In truth, it should be me who is confronting you."

"Fair enough."

"Tell me Shinigami. Could you sleep well at night remembering what you have done?" There was a hint of accusation in Ryuuken's voice.

Lisa looked down at her feet and spoke softly. "I did not want it to happen, it was an accident. I thought you already understood."

"You should have thought of that before you seduced me."

Lisa chuckled darkly. "Don't put all the blame on me. You consented to it. And don't make any excuses. that I took advantage of your emotional state at that moment. I have been with many men and I've got years, centuries of experience with them to know. Shinigami, human, they are the same."

"Don't put me in the league of the likes of you, Shinigami. At least I looked after my kin."

Again, this earned a laugh from the glasses wearing vaizard. "Is that what you call looking after? Your father died and he was within your reach. You could have rushed over to him and you'd be there in under a minute. He could have been alive."

Ryuuken looked away for a moment, as if remembering the events of the day. He reached inside of his jacket pocket and took a pack of cigarettes. He lit one and stared blankly at the horizon.

Lisa waited there quietly.

"I really am not in the mood to explain myself." Ryuuken started. "I was aware when the hollows began emerging near my father and my son. I was aware when they started fighting. I could feel the angry fluctuation in father's reiatsu, the desperate desire to protect my son. I could also feel the pulsing of Uryu's reiatsu. His was not angry, but frightened, terrified. I could feel it when they were surrounded, when father was overwhelmed by the hollows..."

He trailed off.

"You felt it and did nothing." Lisa stated with no hint of accusation, just stating the facts.

But still deep inside Ryuuken, he felt the guilt, the blame those words carry.

"Don't think as if I wanted my own father to die." There was a hint of anger in his voice. "We might have disagreed about many things, but I still would not have wished for him to be dead. Am I such a monstrous being for you to think of me that way? I thought you knew better."

"Maybe I don't. Enlighten me." Lisa crossed her arms.

"I was busy, busy saving the life of another. I was in the middle of an emergency, I just couldn't leave." There was tiredness in his voice. He looked down on the ground and laughed quietly to himself. But it was not a good-mannered laugh. It was a laugh full of malice and hurt. "It's a little ironic. Here I was, saving the life of this 9 year old child who met a fatal accident, but at the same time, my own son's life, whose age is almost the same as the one I was saving, was also in danger... In the end, the child whose life I was trying to save was lost."

It was now the time for Lisa to be the one looking at the ground. She suddenly felt ashamed of the words she spoke before.

"I'm sorry. I did not know." She whispered.

Ryuuken frowned at her. "Of course you didn't. Nobody knew. I'm not one who explains my reasons to save face. Then tell me, where were _you_ at that time?"

"You know well enough that I just can't go around showing myself. You know that we are hiding from Seretei, and I know that at that time, Mayuri has his eyes on the Quincy as he had been experimenting on them. I would have easily been spotted and recognized if I showed up there. It would put all of _us _in danger."

"So you chose the safety of your peers over your son."

The words made Lisa's heart ache, as if it had been stabbed by a jagged edge knife.

"It's not as simple as how you state it."

"It is that simple to me." Ryuuken declared icily.

Lisa sighed heavily and moved at the edge of the building. She sat over the ledge and looked up at the sky. It was already dark. The stars where already starting to blink high up in the heavens and the moon was already casting its faint pale glow.

"I see. Still bitter over what had happened." Lisa said with a faint smile on her lips.

"I would never be able to forgive you for what you did to me, and Uryu."

"Still, I am sorry. I know I shouldn't have done that. I thought I already explained it to you years ago."

"You did. And I remember it perfectly well." Ryuuken stressed out the last statement. "He must be some man, or shinigami if you prefer it, to have had your love even after all these years."

"He is." Lisa answered. Then she directed a mischievous smile at Ryuuken. "Are you jealous?"

"Not in the least." He stared back at her without any emotion in his features. "But if you asked me that 15 years ago, then I could have answered yes."

Lisa then leaned back seductively and gazed at him under those dark lashes.

Ryuuken raised his brows at her. "Don't think that that would work with me again. I have learned from my mistakes and paid the price. I would never trust your kind, again. Not after being played around for a fool."

"I hate apologizing, but I truly am sorry."

"What would he say once he learned you've had a child with a human?" Ryuuken cast a questioning gaze, the beginnings of a smirk etched on his lips.

"I don't think he would mind. He is unlike many shinigami. He doesn't look down on humans. If I were to be asked, I think he genuinely cares for them."

Ryuuken just stayed quiet for a moment. He remembered his confused state, his moment of vulnerability, the day he met her. He was young, idealistic, very much the same as his son is now. What makes him terrified is that Uryu may commit the same mistake he once had. To put his trust on these beings, and that same trust be taken away so painfully. Just like what had happened to him

It was the time that he thought having such unique abilities was a gift. A gift bestowed only to those who deserved it, to those who had it in them to protect mankind. He thought he was that one.

He appealed to the Seretei, to grant him his wish, which is to make use of his abilities to eliminate those damned hollows and protect humanity.

Such a naive dream when he remembers it now.

He remembers as his wish had been denied, condescending eyes cast upon him. He remembers walking in the streets of Karakura town, feeling the presence of hollows devouring helpless souls. It was enough to drive him crazy. But still he kept his promise, because in exchange, Seretei granted them, the last two Quincy protection.

But in the end, Seretei did not fulfil their part of the bargain. He thought bitterly. His father was still killed and most probably according to the devices of one of its captains, and his son is currently in grave danger.

He remembered as he was running into these buildings, mind reeling from the anger he is feeling. He knows he has the power, but he felt powerless. It wasn't only the promise he kept with the Shinigami that kept him from using his abilities. It was also the knowledge bestowed by them that once he eliminates these damned souls, he is condemning them. The Quincy way did not give these souls a chance for redemption.

But why would he want them to be redeemed when he saw how they mercilessly devour the pluses who do not have it in them to defend themselves.

These thoughts were enough to make him go mad. But that was then. Now he was only desensitized to everything. He doesn't feel anything anymore when he feels a reiatsu vanishing because it was caught by a hollow.

H remembered running into this rooftop to see a woman gazing alone at the city. He felt something strange about this woman. He knows from what he felt that she isn't human. That she was a shinigami. No, she was a hollow. But upon closer inspection, she was neither, and yet she was both. And that was when they met.

What lured him the most was the dark expression in her eyes. They were staring blankly but they were full of spite. He felt that she could understand him. And for a moment, he thought she did. He couldn't help but come closer, and be drawn into the fire.

And she allowed it, but in the end he only felt that he was played and was used.

They shared a short moment of intimacy, and it was left at that.

"Did you love her?" Lisa's question brought Ryuuken out of his musings.

"So you knew?" Ryuuken cocked a brow at her.

"Of course I did. We have a very useful source of information."

"Were you jealous?"

"A little." Lisa admitted.

"That is a surprise to hear." Ryuuken said, but his features remained stony, without the surprise that he mentioned he was feeling. "I did love her. After you left, I met her. She meant everything to me. And she took care of Uryu as if he was her own, at least for the short time that she was allowed to live."

"I am sorry to hear. What was her name?"

"Yumiko."

Lisa smiled genuinely for the first time. " At least he was left in good hands. Although there is something I do not understand. You talk as if you really care for your son – "

"Our son." Ryuuken corrected.

"Our son, and yet, I heard you have a bad relationship with him. Why is that?"

Ryuuken lit a third cigarette and took another lung full of smoke. "The sight of him makes me angry. He reminds me so much of you."

Ryuuken again laid a steely gaze at Lisa direction.

Lisa shrugged. "It's not the boy's fault.

"I know."

"I also blame Urahara for allowing these gigai to be really fully functional, even in reproduction."

"That, I agree with. Though I have to ask, why did you not even try to visit him?"

"Like I said, you Quincy are under constant watch. I could not risk it. It was impossible to look after him considering the situation."

"Then why did you not take care of him yourself, why did you have to give him to me?"

"The place I am in is unfit to raise a child. At least you have the means." Lisa gestured her head to the Medical centre situated in the middle of the city.

Ryuuken again brought the cigs at his lips. "Then why risk it now to meet me, after all this time?"

"Because everything is already in motion. It is already pointless to remain in hiding."

"I see." Ryuuken brought his attention again to the woman standing next to him. "Kyouraku Sunsui is his name?"

"Yes."

"Ah. I've never met him. But I've heard about him from Isshin and Urahara."

They stood there in silence watching as the city grew alive as they opened their lights to welcome the night. Both of them thinking of the days to come, of the war up ahead.

Ryuuken's cell phone rang and he read the text message written there.

He turned around without a word and headed for the door, dropping the cigarette but to the ground.

"An emergency?" Lisa asked without turning around.

"Yes, an emergency." Ryuuken reached for the door and headed down.

Lisa stayed there quietly for a few minutes. He saw when Ryuuken reached his silver car parked at the street across from building. She watched as he entered the vehicle and left.

"I have always been watching." Lisa said to the empty air as tears started to brim her eyes. She turned away and started her journey back to their hide-out.

* * *

**A/N:** So how did you find it? I know it is a weird idea, and the possibilities of it are close to nil, but it's not impossible either. This idea was born out from that cover picture where Uryu really looks a lot like Yadomaro Lisa. Add to that, her vizard mask has a really large cross on it!

Tell me what you think. **REVIEWS **are very welcome.

I am a Lisa/Shunsui shipper as you can see from this story.


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